It took taking the subway for the first time alone, travelling to Gowanus― to eat tacos and wander with friends in December, wearing big boots to help grasp the icy sidewalks as i tried not to collapse on the browned frost, to realize i had grown.
It took understanding tragic meanings of songs that i hadn’t noticed previously like “Lucky” by Britney Spears, “Roxanne” by The Police, “Blue Lights” by Jorja Smith to realize.
It took finally being able to understand The New Yorker cartoons to realize.
It took learning how to navigate airports (a task i had previously believed was impossible) to realize.
It took receiving dozens of emails a day when before, i would excitedly race to the computer to see if i had any unread mail to realize.
It took understanding that i had lost something once important to me, when i pressed a piano key for the first time in ages― the sound pinging like salt on a gash, and the echo creating rings in my ears, and i couldn’t play with the same passion as before, to realize.
It took realizing i begun to enjoy shopping at trader joe’s― plugging my headphones in and looking at the differences between various tomatoes in colorfully patterned boxes, wandering aisles in search of items on my mental list to realize.
It took noticing that i had stopped wanting toys and electronics for birthdays, and instead large blankets and books to realize.
It took comprehending the moment when i stopped craving adulthood and instead desired child-like ignorance and freedom to realize i had grown.
